i hate it when i really really need to save up, then i window shop and find something really really cute.

that feeling when you know you stumble onto something really cute while you’re just strolling around the mall and it just so happens you’re on saving mode. you know you shouldn’t buy it and yes, you muster up the strength to turn your back and walk out of the shop. but then you find yourself thinking and obsessing about it the moment you decide not to make the purchase. super hassle.

i hated that. i didn’t like it when i tried to fool myself into thinking that buying it was the right thing to do when i knew otherwise. i was actually arguing with myself! haha. i hated the feeling of depriving myself of something i wanted, specially when i knew i could afford it and yet, i also knew it wasn’t practical.

so before, i dealt with it by just giving in to the urge. i bought so many cute but unnecessary things. things that i eventually lost interest in and gave away. it took me a substantial amount of time before i grew up and realized that the contentment and happiness i thought i would get if i bought a certain thing never really came. while yes, initially i was so into it, but it never really lasted.

that’s when i discovered the pleasure of saying no to myself. admittedly it started off to be really difficult. but after awhile, i got the hang of it; and i actually take pleasure in it now. just like how going through difficult and seemingly endless schoolwork and getting a high grade in return takes all the pain away. purposeful suffering gives you a wonderful sense of accomplishment. now, i am proud to say that i am no longer a slave to my capricious and insignificant wants. and when before i spoiled myself with the stupid childish thinking that i should get what i want, i am now a better person who doesn’t foolishly base my happiness with things that can be bought in a store. ♥